Sexuality!

I'm suddenly on a big sexuality kick. Why do people have specific sexualities? What makes the difference? I'm not arguing that it's a conscious choice, but is it completely inborn or is some of it formed by society? Considering how society views non-heterosexuals, how many people pretend to be or even believe themselves to be heterosexual when they aren't?

The really interesting question is this: why does it matter? In a perfect world, we'd all live as we pleased - heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, people who just don't care, whatever. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I know I find the point of view of 100% heterosexuals/homosexuals to be completely confusing. It's hardly fair of me, considering it's (probably) not a conscious choice on their parts, but I can't keep my nose out of their business. I try not to judge them or treat them differently or anything, but it still utterly baffles me! To be fair, no, not utterly - it's a matter of taste, and everyone has different tastes. What I wonder is why we have our specific tastes. (Who votes for therapy? Therapy to make everybody the same! God, maybe I'll write a book about that. Bisexual indoctrination! I need to start working on my countertheories anyway, right?)

I probably ought to tell the Boy that I'm more or less bisexual (er, somewhere in between asexual (though hopefully that'll change at some point, because I guess having a sex drive is lots of fun or something charming along those lines), bisexual (though that seems so limiting), and pansexual (though I don't really know enough to say that yes, I'm attracted to everything), because I'm indecisive like that), because if he doesn't like it I'm not wasting any time on him. I'm tired of feeling like I have to avoid the subject every time some stupid person makes some stupid joke about gay people and bisexual people. Thank you, people in my French class. It'd be one thing if they were funny jokes... oh, and they need to lay off the mentally ill people too. If they aren't going to be funny. Either that or I need a new sense of humor!

It's amazing how relative everything is. Things that I think of as being good and bad are thought of as completely different by other people. It's been driving me up the wall recently. At some point I decided that other people should be able to do as they pleased as long as they didn't make me have to be someone else. I'll change for myself if I want to, and I don't feel like restricting myself. Compromise is fair, yes, but both sides need to compromise. I don't think it's any more fair of me to wander around making other people uncomfortable than it is for them to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't necessarily follow my own belief system, and I probably should take the high road, but honestly, I don't wander around telling people how terrible heterosexuality is all the time, and I don't get all in other people's faces about it. Once other people start getting in my face, all bets are off. And I don't understand how homosexuality threatens people, anyway. It's basically like saying that interracial marriage is wrong. Would we let that fly now? No way. So why is homosexuality so different? I do think that being accepting is important (and that includes being accepting of people who are dreadful human beings), but being accepting of other opinions doesn't mean you have to just let them slide. People, unfortunately, do have to be accountable for their own actions.

Of course, I'll probably change my mind again later. I'm still not sure where I am on judging other people. It's pretty hard to avoid (and I'm not sure if anyone's managed to do so yet!), but it's also kind of pointless. I need to improve my own life and my own choices before I have any room to judge other people's. I mean, mine are pretty terrible a lot of the time. Watch me be wishy-washy!

...I want to get Fidel Castro tattooed on my crotch. Seriously. People crack me up sometimes.
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