60 revolutions.

I'm a materialistic capitalist whore and proud of it. That means I get neat stuff if I lie well enough! I like that.

Plus I'm in the UCLA honors program YAAAAAAAAY!

Too bad I hate drunk people. My friend called me and was like "Robertina Gonzalez* I'm in love with you and I'm drunk." That's going to be the best conversation ever, later on. I need to talk to her about something else anyway.

Apparently "it never seemed relevant" isn't a very good excuse for keeping major secrets. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

*name changed to protect... well, myself

Sexuality!

I'm suddenly on a big sexuality kick. Why do people have specific sexualities? What makes the difference? I'm not arguing that it's a conscious choice, but is it completely inborn or is some of it formed by society? Considering how society views non-heterosexuals, how many people pretend to be or even believe themselves to be heterosexual when they aren't?

The really interesting question is this: why does it matter? In a perfect world, we'd all live as we pleased - heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, people who just don't care, whatever. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I know I find the point of view of 100% heterosexuals/homosexuals to be completely confusing. It's hardly fair of me, considering it's (probably) not a conscious choice on their parts, but I can't keep my nose out of their business. I try not to judge them or treat them differently or anything, but it still utterly baffles me! To be fair, no, not utterly - it's a matter of taste, and everyone has different tastes. What I wonder is why we have our specific tastes. (Who votes for therapy? Therapy to make everybody the same! God, maybe I'll write a book about that. Bisexual indoctrination! I need to start working on my countertheories anyway, right?)

I probably ought to tell the Boy that I'm more or less bisexual (er, somewhere in between asexual (though hopefully that'll change at some point, because I guess having a sex drive is lots of fun or something charming along those lines), bisexual (though that seems so limiting), and pansexual (though I don't really know enough to say that yes, I'm attracted to everything), because I'm indecisive like that), because if he doesn't like it I'm not wasting any time on him. I'm tired of feeling like I have to avoid the subject every time some stupid person makes some stupid joke about gay people and bisexual people. Thank you, people in my French class. It'd be one thing if they were funny jokes... oh, and they need to lay off the mentally ill people too. If they aren't going to be funny. Either that or I need a new sense of humor!

It's amazing how relative everything is. Things that I think of as being good and bad are thought of as completely different by other people. It's been driving me up the wall recently. At some point I decided that other people should be able to do as they pleased as long as they didn't make me have to be someone else. I'll change for myself if I want to, and I don't feel like restricting myself. Compromise is fair, yes, but both sides need to compromise. I don't think it's any more fair of me to wander around making other people uncomfortable than it is for them to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't necessarily follow my own belief system, and I probably should take the high road, but honestly, I don't wander around telling people how terrible heterosexuality is all the time, and I don't get all in other people's faces about it. Once other people start getting in my face, all bets are off. And I don't understand how homosexuality threatens people, anyway. It's basically like saying that interracial marriage is wrong. Would we let that fly now? No way. So why is homosexuality so different? I do think that being accepting is important (and that includes being accepting of people who are dreadful human beings), but being accepting of other opinions doesn't mean you have to just let them slide. People, unfortunately, do have to be accountable for their own actions.

Of course, I'll probably change my mind again later. I'm still not sure where I am on judging other people. It's pretty hard to avoid (and I'm not sure if anyone's managed to do so yet!), but it's also kind of pointless. I need to improve my own life and my own choices before I have any room to judge other people's. I mean, mine are pretty terrible a lot of the time. Watch me be wishy-washy!

...I want to get Fidel Castro tattooed on my crotch. Seriously. People crack me up sometimes.
http://cottonandsand.com/sandandcotton/?p=594

Huzzah!

"Irrational Pisces are as slippery as the fish that symbolises their sign. They use double-speak and never give a straight answer even if they could. They are sly and non-commital. This bewildering vagueness can trick people to comply with their wishes just as fish get tricked into the fisherman's nets. Never trust them, they will fain innocence in order to get help from others. They are habitually lazy and manipulative. A Piscean will work you to the bone. They are best suited to careers where the work can be delegated ideally as 'the inspector of finished works'."

...they say that like it's a bad thing.

Soulseek

Best program ever.

Go look it up.

Pretty pretty music.



I can now say with full authority that live Coil is kind of amazing.


Weeping Cock is kind of amazing. "Oh, he's just gone to release his man-fountain." Or, perhaps, "the bringer of the yellow tide." Huh. Maybe I'll write that sort of novel for moneyyyy. My penname shall be... ALBERTINE WANGELINE. (No more working the polls for me, eh?) No, no, something else. Margaret D'Jamalfna? (No more Coil for me, eh?) Maaaaan. A. B. See? Yeah. I think I'll be A. B. See coz I'm a terrible person like that.
I honestly know someone who paid for her first year of law school by writing a romance novel. I, um, I might actually do that. I like writing. I'm good at it. Sure, it'll atrophy my BRAIN, but it'll be fun. How bad can I make it before people won't buy it?

Also. Not surprisingly enough, Kristen was right about the pronunciation of ocarina. I kind of figured (hey, who OWNS an ocarina?), but I keep forgetting...

I can't resist people who think I'm brilliant.

'tis true, 'tis true.

I also ate my weight in cheese and ice cream (not at the same time, though), so I feel kind of sick. But you know what? I like string cheese. I like McFlurries. And I wanted to eat them. So I did.

I make the best CDs. Even working within strict limitations - no hard industrial, no metal, no punk, nothing that would cause my sister's brain to explode, no Leonard Cohen or other things she knows really well - I selected songs for something that I would be proud to acknowledge as my creation! MY FRANKENSTEIN.

Mmmm, brilliant people. Whatever that means. What is brilliance? I probably should have asked more questions. I have time to figure it out, though. I may not agree, but I approve anyway, goddammit.

Huh. Now I'm fiddling around with the order of the songs as opposed to just picking songs, and I'm not sure exactly how I want it to go. Did I mention how much I love Cocteau Twins? I could marry Cocteau Twins. Just for Persephone. That's pretty much the most ridiculously glorious - or gloriously ridiculous - song in the world.

Actually, I kind of love half these songs. I should just make a CD of songs I adore to death and beyond. Just for myself. I'll bring it in the car always. I will send it to Suzanne and make her love gay people. I have no idea how that will work, but it will. Gloriously.

Glorious is my new pet word. Waaaaaaatchit.

That reminds me as to how much I hate teamwork. HATE. Isn't it supposed to be teaching... cooperation and love for my fellow (iron) man and whatnot? Because teamwork mostly teaches me that daydreaming about stabbing people in the eye is pretty much my only option.

STABBY TIME!

So THIS is what validation feels like.

I used the free blood pressure checking machine in the mall today: 111/66. Not necessarily perfect, but jesus, it's in the perfect range, I'm not going to micromanage this shit.

ONE MORE THING THEY'RE WRONG ABOUT HOOOOOOORAY.

BLAHBLAHBLAHi'mfantasticBLAHBLAHBLAH.

Besides my propensity for making vague, ambiguous statements, I mean. On the bright side, the boytoy does too, so it's all good. More or less. I don't actually know how we've managed to have any conversations at all. It's actually interesting.

Still fighting over laundry. Like I keep saying, I get the crazy honestly.

I adore Carmen. We're reading it for French class. I adore Carmen. Now that I'm actually paying attention to the words as opposed to just the pretty music (...took me long enough, eh?), it's really pretty amazing. Of course, it's more proof that I don't seem to like things that end happily. Psh, OVERrated. Not my fault if it's absolutely beautiful.

I want to go to school tomorrow so I can see Kristen's nose piercing! Eee. Also I have something to shaaaaaaaaaare. I smell like Sharpie. And soylent green. Ha, I hope not.

Prince Caspian

I really enjoyed the movie. It wasn't perfect, but it was a lot of fun.

It would have been better if Prince Caspian and Peter were GAY together, though. C'mon, who else thought they had chemistry? No? Nobody? Shit.

My only major problem with the movie was the creepy Christian parts. Maybe it's because I'm a godless heathen, but I didn't like how Susan and Lucy (and the other females) didn't get to do THAT much. Sure, Susan got to shoot things, but she didn't participate as much as I'd have liked. It was quite a bit more realistic than most fantastic depictions of women in war (especially considering her AGE), but can't we have a happy medium between the two extremes? PLEASE.

Edmund is still pretty much the best character in the movies. Lucy was adorable, Susan was attractive enough, Peter was pretty hot, but EDMUND is amazing. Just in general. Edmund always was my favorite character; to me, his vague storyline does sum up the best parts of Christianity. Forgiveness should be attainable for everyone. But that gets me started on how shortchanged Susan was - seriously, just because she wanted to be attractive she didn't make it to Heaven/Narnia. That's a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittle too old-fashioned for me. (I hope they change that in the movie(s). Purists may hate me, but JESUS, they're only based on the books. They're not the same thing. If it enhances the storyline, then I'm for it. That's obviously a subjective thing to say, blah blah blah, but it's how I feel. So there. Ha.)

Also, MOAR GAY ORGIES.

Well, at least I know where my crazy comes from!

I just had the worst fight of my life with my parents...

...about laundry.

No, seriously. I was in the middle of washing my clothes when my dad decided that he had to wash his clothes RIGHT THAT INSTANT. Instead of walking about five feet to where I was sitting, he instead decided to just take out all my clothes, put them on the floor (!), and put in his own stuff.

It went downhill from there.

O the joy.

EDIT: Don't worry, I'm overly amused myself.

Joss Whedon has a new TV series coming out soonish!

And yeah, I'm so excited.

It stars Eliza Dushku, who is pretty much one of the hottest actresses EVER. (Up there with Tricia Helfer and Summer Glau. Um. No, I don't watch too much science fiction. Noooooo.)

Also it's JOSS WHEDON, man, do I even need to elaborate?

I love Joss Whedon.

So much.



Unfortunately, it looks like Obama played the Jesus card. I'm a bit disconcerted by this. I suppose I still cling to my antiquated belief that faith should be a private matter. I still get a bit unsettled when people make a big deal out of their faith. I don't really know why; probably because I grew up without a religion, and therefore have very little experience with it. However, that's pretty silly and irrational of me. Pfft. Fear of the unknown? SO over that, thanks. I don't really think he had any other option, either, because in America, everybody loves Jesus. At the very least, everybody hates atheists. In fact, they probably feel the same way about non-religious people as I do about incredibly religious people! Not necessarily a dislike, but a fear of the unknown. And there's a lot more of them than there are of me. Not only that, after the whole Rev. Wright debacle, Obama probably feels the need to make his personal feelings (which differ quite strongly from Rev. Wright's, apparently) on religion known. It's either that or he's REALLY going to be tarred and feathered with the same brush, which he probably wouldn't appreciate. Definitely won't help him get elected. Nobody likes angry black men, I guess. Also, I really don't think religion should enter into this at all, which means that I shouldn't let his personal religious beliefs (or MY personal religious beliefs) affect my vote. Quite obviously, his religious beliefs ARE going to influence his decisions, but I think he at least does want to do the right thing. Anyone's religious beliefs are going to influence their decisions anyway, whether they're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Scientologists or atheists or whatever. It's not necessarily THE most important component, but it's going to be a factor. Unfortunately, that means I get to be a big girl, put my money where my mouth is, and assess him based on what he actually plans to do. As long as he doesn't intend on forcing his religious beliefs down my throat, at least. More importantly, I do get the feeling that while he's using religion as a political bargaining to some degree, it's also something that's genuinely important in his life and that provides him a certain degree of strength and support. That sort of religion doesn't make me uncomfortable - at least not as uncomfortable, and it's the sort of feeling that I can talk myself down from at least somewhat - and it's not something that's going to be used AGAINST people. It's for inclusion. Honestly, I think true religion is a beautiful thing. I may not share in the collective faith, but I can appreciate quite a few things about religion. Love the sinner, hate the sin. There are many things I take from religion and try to incorporate into my own life. I try not to judge. I let off steam about things and I whine about how I don't understand things, but what I want is to be able to understand where people are coming from. The question, perhaps, is where does that stop? Where do we say "so you believe that killing Jews is for the benefit of humanity? No, sorry, it doesn't work like that"? At what point is the line drawn? I suppose one generalization that could be made is that if it doesn't hurt anyone else (unless it's with their consent, if you know what I mean), it should be okay. But how do we define what "hurts" someone? It seems IMPOSSIBLE. Is it impossible? I have no idea. It'd be easy for me to say that it is impossible, but I hate doing that. Sure, I do it, but I do a lot of stupid things. I try not to, at least. Eh. Anyway. It's something to work on. All we can do is keep trying to make things better. But how do we do that? No, seriously. Where do we even start? There are a LOT of things that need improving. Some are local, some are national, some are global, some don't even fit that scope. Perhaps all we can do is try to improve ourselves as people. Do as, say, Christians are supposed to do and set examples. But that leaves the truly desperate out in the cold, because not everyone is going to be willing to try to improve, and not everyone can. So what do we do about them? Perhaps it's the slippery slope idea that scares me. Where oh where do we draw that motherfucking line? What's the difference between protecting people and screwing them over? Someone's going to get fucked up no matter what. How do we choose? The idea of the greater good... is not one that appeals. Perhaps it's necessary, but it's not something I can embrace wholeheartedly right now. I don't know. I just don't know.

From a brief glance at Obama's website, I do like his attitude. I haven't gotten to the sections on his positions on issues or on what he's done so much, but so far I'm cautiously intrigued. I also like that even in the faith section, he mentions that the rights of nonbelievers (as well as, of course, believers of all sorts of other stripes) must be preserved. That makes me happy. It's a personal bias, yes, but it's still vaguely relevant.

Ah, but I can't help wondering where all this money is going to come from. How on EARTH are we going to even start to reduce the national debt? What about health care? I really like large amounts of Obama's health care plan, but how is he going to make it work? I realize he can't very well explain exactly how he's going to do everything before he's even elected, but... eh, I don't know, crazy lingering doubts. Nobody's really going to explain anything as much as I'd like anyway. I think there's a good chance I'll be voting for Obama. This is an excellent step up from what I've been thinking previously: "Not Clinton. Probably not McCain, probably not Obama. Um... yeah." That, unfortunately, doesn't work so well. What I'm trying to do is figure out who's the least of all evils. I'm going to vote, dammit. I'm going to vote for the person who I think is going to fuck the country up the least, and then I'll have earned my right to bitch and whine the good old-fashioned way. It's a pity it takes SO much research, though. I mean, I have to... try to find everyone's speeches, I have to read everyone's stances on issues, I have to try to think about this shit... man oh man. I'm afraid it would be much more fun if I weren't busy doing other things. Alas.

Fuck this, I'm taking a nap.

Too much Dostoevsky.

• Pier Paolo Pasolini
• Ingmar Bergman
• Luis Buñuel

Finally, a list of directors I need to investigate further. Sure, it's short, but that's life. Or is it? All three deal with that, perhaps. What "that" refers to is hardly your business, anyway.

Buñuel does surrealist movies, which obviously appeal to me. I don't remember where exactly I read about him, but I somehow link him with Pasolini, which is obviously a good thing.

Bergman does crazy bleak movies, so far as I can tell. My sister has watched some of his movies, though I'm not sure what she thought. It's been a while.

Pasolini... where to start? "If you know that I am an unbeliever, then you know me better than I do myself. I may be an unbeliever, but I am an unbeliever who has a nostalgia for a belief." He did a movie version of 120 Days Of Sodom. Do I need to elaborate? I don't think so.

What is the point of life? Why bother? We die. Life is pointless, life is ridiculous, it doesn't make any sense. We're all thoughtlessly cruel. Nothing lasts. Everything changes. Why should death, then, be any different? Fearing death is no healthier than... questioning the point of life, I suppose, and I try to stick to one "philosophical" vice at a time. It's quite healthier that way.

I desperately want to watch The City Of Lost Children, but maybe I need to stop exposing myself to so many bleak things. Too much Dostoevsky, too much Coil, too much goddamn Leonard Cohen. I'd believe in Lenny over Jesus Christ any day, thanks. Bleak, but honest. And beautiful. I suppose I lack a certain "joie de vivre" that's necessary to really do anything for the sheer fun of it. It's always possible I will turn out to be one of those wacky geniuses, but I'm probably doomed to a life of mediocrity. That's just how it goes, really. Whatever I do will be for myself, and it will make me... happy. That's really all I can ask for.

No, no, Twice Upon A Time is hardly bleak, and I think The Mouse And His Child isn't either. Either that or everything's bleak. Certainly anything can be taken as bleak if you try hard enough, but the opposite is also true.

The point of life is to live, I suppose. So live I will. What other choice do I have?

NO MORE PHILOSOPHY FOR ME LOLOLOLOLOL. I'll stick to philolsophy from here on out, thanks.

My subconscious GOMEZ GONZALEZ voice is smarter than I am.

I ought to have a boytoy sooner or later. (Unless I screw up, but I seem to have done an OK job so far. I have no idea why, but that's okay.) YES. I have ALWAYS WANTED A BOYTOY. My life is finally close to being worthwhile.

We may go skydiving. Which sounds like fun. Terrifying, but fun.

I love the Windmill theme song. It's pretty much the most glorious thing I've ever listened to - for some reason, it really makes me think.

Best of all, I now know how to identify a pickle! Those things are kind of disgusting. So are sandwiches. At least I've been to IHOP now... it could be worse. I guess.

Actually, now I know someone who doesn't mind that I'm... vague, indecisive, and more or less incapable of being straightforward. This is an improvement. Obviously, I'm really happy.

...I really, really, really want to do the well in Ocarina of Time. Right now. But I want to do it in orderrrrrrrrrrrr. I don't feel motivated enough to play anyway. I am far too excited to have any manual skills whatsoever. I may have spilled about half a bottle of water all over me just a few minutes ago, to be honest. Alas! I'm a little clumsy by nature, I suppose.

ohgod. I'm going to have to call GOMEZ GONZALEZ*. ohgodthat'sgoingtobeinteresting. ohgodohgodohgod. It's about time I have something to trade her though - now she can talk about boytoy #6 and I can talk about boytoy #0! YES. This will work.

Being straightforward is overrated anyway.

*names changed to protect the innocent, seriously

The New Backwards is pretty good.

I've only listened to it a few times, but it's really growing on me. It's recent Coil (after the death of Coil, because there ain't nothin' more badass), which means that it's wacky electronica. It's oddly transcendent. Shoot me for typing that. It's excellent for thinking and for those odd dreams I love so much.

Rigor is the key. It distracts the mind, yes? My mucus has been telling me this. Where's my sewing kit? I seem to have... misplaced it.

The future cannot come soon enough.

And I don't mean this weekend, either. This weekend is going to be me taking a diagnostic test, me sewing, me playing Ocarina of Time, and me driving. Fun? Yeah, but it's not going to solve any dilemmas, either. Well, okay, there's only one dilemma to solve, but it's a doozy. (Shush, I'm feeling "retro," also known as "ridiculous." Ain't no difference thar.)

I'm getting even more sick of, uh, pretty much everyone, which is probably what I get for befriending ridiculously over-romantic teenage girls. [I'm going to make a series of sweeping generalizations here because I'm grumpy, but don't think I mean it. Much. OH WAIT LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.] Something that nobody seems to understand is that life is not like a movie, and not everyone has a life comparable to yours. Just because in the movies everything works out perfectly and the good guys have a happily ever after with true love and everything doesn't mean it works like that in real life. If you take a leap of faith, you're quite likely to get screwed over. Don't encourage me in wishful thinking, because I can do that well enough on my own. If I need help in anything, it's in keeping myself grounded! I don't do that well! I naturally tend towards the romantic view of life, because... it's prettier, I suppose. I'm silly enough to think like that. It's really silly to just offer one point of view when it comes to that sort of thing. Maybe I'm just bad at having only one point of view. Hard to say. Also. Just because some people have lax parents doesn't mean that everyone else does There's really only so much I can do if I want to go to college. Or eat. Or see my friends outside of school. And since school's over in a month or less... yeah, no, I don't have much wiggle room at all. Sure, I'm working it, but don't make it more difficult for me by implying that if I just do whatever I want, things will work out fine. No, they won't. They haven't in the past, and they certainly won't in the future. Psh, not if I don't take care of things myself.

Um. Anyway. That wasn't a big fat ramble at all. What's really irritating is that I don't really have anyone I can bounce theories off've, mostly because either they're ridiculously romantic, they're really busy, or they seem quite uninterested. Overly romantic people are not liable to be helpful to me right now, I feel guilty bothering busy people, and I'm really not interested in trying to work out other people's motives right now. I'm busy with my new game. I probably ought to do something wacky like write out pretty much everything I know that's fact and everything I know that's speculation; then I can place everything into categories and formulate different ideas that will flow together to help me form some kind of plan. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I need a plan. He's not getting away. At the very least, we are going to be friends. If we're not already. Which, um, I think we are. O the MIRTH. More or less, I don't really meet that many people who I click with. Other people are more lucky in that sort of thing, but I like my people better. Quality over quantity...

Mmmm, theories. It just needs to be Monday already.

Oh MAN, why didn't I think of calling Rrita? I need to call Rrita and Gina. For serious, y'allz. Man o man, I missssssssssssssssssssss Rrita and Gina. I miss my COSMOS buddies. *whine* I don't know, they were just... better than the people here are. I hate to say it, but it's true. I don't actually hate to say it, of course, I just like pretending. Pfffffffffffft, no, but I miss having nerdy friends. It had to be said. And people who I can have discussions with who don't get all aggressive and defensive and crap. I have two or three friends like that here, but still. COSMOS was just totally different.

DEADFALL.

I love Deadfall.

And Born/Dead.

And Black Flag.

There's nothing more fun than wandering around all by yourself listening to bands like that on a really high volume. YEAH.

C'est tout.

Silly allergies.

Allergies make me feel sick and tired and I have a sporadic appetite. I am very very very very very hungry until I get some food, and then the very idea of eating sickens me. And the inside of my mouth tastes all funny. I'm thirsty all the time too. Aaaaand now I'm afraid I have diabetes or something. Thanks, parents. Thanks a BUNCH. Pfft, I just worry too much.

People are still disgustingly romantic and touchy-feely. Pfft, I don't mind it sometimes I suppose, but still! Here's the thing: there are arguments for and against both sides that I could make about the situation. And they're all pretty goddamn compelling, if you ask me. I'm not saying that it's appropriate to be a total downer and to say that nothing's ever going to happen and that life sucks and blah blah blah, but it's also not appropriate to assume that everything is absolutely perfect just like the movies ohmygawd! Just... shut up. That doesn't help. I'm certainly a bit of a cynic by nature (or so I hear...), but that doesn't mean I'm not right a lot of the time. And when I say a lot of the time, I mean all the time. Obviously. Of course, blatant threats (or, perhaps, "threats") don't help either, which reminds me as to why I used to be so picky about my friends. I still am, it's just that it's harder and harder to get rid of these people. I don't know, maybe I'm just going to start brushing people off. "Not now, I need to think." Funny thing is I really do need to think.

You're all the same, you're all the fucking same.

Romantics irritate me.

Yeah, I said it! I personally think that... there's really not enough conclusive evidence either way, and at least as much against as for. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. Jesus cockmuncher Christ. I just hope those romantics don't meddle.

Pfft, I've been shamed into cleaning my room because his is neater than mine, and that's not good. Mine's terrible anyway. I'm about 2% done, and it's really irritating my allergies, so I have to take a break. Too bad breathing's overrated anyway. God, I feel terrible, though.

I'm planning to wander around by myself after school tomorrow/the day after. (Though I might acquire unexpected company again... ha.) With any luck, I'll be walking to Trader Joe's, the mall, and/or Target. Not in the same day. I'm not fucking crazy. I might do Target tomorrow and TJ's/mall the day after. I need new stuff for my room, dammit! I also need moar foodz. I wish I knew how long it takes to get there by foot. Maybe I'll call some crazy kids while I walk, but I'm more or less sick of 99.99% of people.

I also need to go to Barnes and Noble so that I can buy more books. Either that or I'll just steal - I mean, relocate - the ones Katy has in her room that belong to mi madre! That sounds like a plan.

People are too similar, sometimes. Especially in unexpected ways.

Huzzah! I got my housing offer from UCLA, and I'm in a double! I'm super-happy! Huzzah indeed! The building I'm in has air-conditioning, too. Haha, how low my standards are.

Okay, serious question time - do most people think that height actually matters? It just seems so arbitrary. (Plus short people are cuuuuute. Tall people are cuuuuute. Medium people are cuuuuuute. Seriously, MOAR OPTIONZ.)

That was... pretty epic.

Yeah, it really was pretty epic.

Nice apartment... for an apartment, at least!

I guess overall today would go into the "pretty goddamn neat" category.

My faith in humanity is being restored, one bit at a time.

I've decided that I don't have very many people at my school who I'd want to refer to as friends o'mine. Because they suck monkey balls. However, I'm currently talking to someone (who isn't even in my classes... sadly) about religion, and we're actually kind of on the same page. She's a lot more of a believer than I am, but we share that basic uncertainty about religion and peer pressure and the like. And it's really interesting to hear what she thinks, too! Which makes her like the second person - well, maybe third - who I like talking to about this sort of thing. Or, uh, anything. Hooray!

Nomi Song!

Yankee Kamikaze! I'm excited! Really excited!

She's really cute. No, I mean really cute. She looks disturbingly like the artist/writer of Kagerou. Which is a good thing.

I really like Klaus Nomi. A lot. It's some weird stuff!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII know his middle name. That's something. Ha, now I'm just wondering if he'll ever show up again. Whatever, I don't even care. I mean, I do, but... ugh.

A lot of next week is testing, which is great because I don't have to do anything.

I also got free lunch and free hall passes from the kid in my French class who I know totally likes me. It took very little effort. And hey, he volunteered the free hall passes... haha. Man, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don't. Huzzah!

Dee dee dee, I love me some Hana music! Pretty pretty Hana music. Especially man man and Lykke Li.

Stop! Dilemma time.

I exaggerate, it's not a dilemma at all. It's merely... irritating.

I keep seeing the perfect girl. She's sarcastic, she pokes me in the boob, she goes through my stuff, she looks like Luka Delaney (who is totally my type), she has a gorgeous smile, blondish hair, brownish eyes, roundish face... and I think she's religious. Like, seriously religious. (That's what I get for going to High Life, right?) And she's probably straight, because everyone's straight these days.

GodDAMMIT. No seriously. God, this is a personal request - please, please, please damn all religions and beliefs that make it so that people can't be gay or bi if they want without being sent to hell.

Because she's really, really, really smoking hot.

I am also irritated because my current potential boytoy keeps not being at school. And he won't say what he was going to ask me. Hello, irritation city! Population 1. That being me. Nonono, but also I have to solve the puzzle. He is not helpful. That actually makes me happy in some ridiculous sort of way! I like challenges that I can win. And don't think I won't win, because I will.

Cheers, m'lovelies!

Are you shivering?

Are you shivering? Are you cold?
Are you bathed in silver or drowned in gold?
This dream's a vitality
With filaments as fine as a spider's web
Pour through your mouth
They pour through your mouth
O river of silver, O river of flowers
I lie down and shiver in your silver river
Out drips the last drop of this vital fluid

Our life has grown weary
The stars have grown old
Are you still shivering?
Are you still cold?
Are you loathsome tonight?
Does your madness shine bright?
Are you loathsome tonight?

In the oceans of the moon
Swimming squidlike and squalid
This bright moon is a liquid
The dark earth is a solid

This is moon music in the light of the moon

Cheers,
kiiziie