And now for the boring stuff.

Back to what Caution was saying about people - there's a difference between having a friend who is irrational and having an irrational friend. Everyone's irrational, but some people make the same goddamn mistakes over and over and over again without doing anything to try to change. And those people piss me the fuck off.

I recognize the fact that I can be a very difficult person (though I think EVERYONE's difficult in their own ways) and I work on it. I've had varying degrees of success, and I'm currently lucky enough to be in a position where I'm happy and relatively unstressed (it's all those video games), which means that I'm more-or-less in the best place I've been (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, even physically) in a long time, but I don't just give up. Just because this is the best place I've been in in a long time doesn't mean that I'm done. I have places to go, and I'm not going to be stopped just because I was born with certain flaws. Nobody's going to stop me, not even myself. Especially not myself, dammit. I may be lazy when it comes to schoolwork and other boring, pointless things (not that I have any biases there or anything), but I actively work on bettering myself. Sometimes you just have to sit back and say "is this actually a rational thing to do? Do I need to get upset about this? Do I need to feel this way? No? Okay then." It can take a lot of thinking, and it's certainly not always easy, but just because you're born a certain way doesn't mean you need to remain a certain way. I'm pretty unstable by nature, but that doesn't mean I can't work to make myself at least appear stable.

It's all about appearances, baby. Nothing more, nothing less.

Seriously though? It's hard to change. I realize it's hard. It's something I have to deal with quite a bit. I don't even know if it's paid off at all. Sometimes I don't see the point, sometimes I give up, sometimes I lapse into irrationality. But all this doesn't stop me from being... perplexed by people who constantly screw people over and who are constantly selfish (which is different from being self-centered, I think) and who constantly blatantly do not care about other people. There is absolutely no reason to be cruel to someone to their face. I do think it's one thing to about someone if it'll help you be happier. Face it, probably everyone complains about people, and probably everyone has been complained about. Is it a big deal? Not really. But it's another thing altogether to make genuinely cutting, unnecessarily cruel comments to someone's face. That honestly... I just don't understand. Maybe it's hard to overcome the bad parts of your nature, but it's worth it. It really is.

On another note, just because someone's your friend doesn't mean you necessarily have any obligation towards them. For quite some time, I've been stuck in between "if they don't change, cut them dead" (or, um, toy with them, because I have a sick sense of humor) and "if they don't change, tell them that there's a problem." However. The majority of people I know should be perfectly able to recognize that there is a problem. Did I need anyone to tell me that I was creating unnecessary problems? No. I was magically able to figure out for myself that I was being unnecessarily imperfect, and I took (and am taking) steps to work on the problems. It's really not that hard to figure out if you have any sense at all. I did it, others have done it, they can too. No micromanaging. NIKE. Just DO it, man! It may seem like it's going to kill you, it may seem hard, it may seem impossible, it may not seem like it's worth it, but just do it. Goddammit.

On yet another note, I don't understand why people are so threatened by other people. I myself used to be threatened by other people who other people thought of more highly than they did me. Not so much anymore, though it takes a little thought. But rationally, it doesn't make much sense. The abilities of other people don't actually affect me. And you know what? I don't actually know what other people think, so I might as well assume that people mean the best and think the best of me. The other option might be more accurate. It might not. I don't know. In fact, I might as well just stop thinking about it. I don't see how it matters. I am who I am. I have the skills I have. I am fantastic, and anyone who doesn't recognize that is, frankly, not worth my time.

Cheers,
kiiziie