Girls are dreadful gossips.

And being interrogated is creepy.

I think people just irritate me, though. Minus about five people, who may or may not actually exist.

No, but seriously - it's disturbing that people would actually... discuss me, my personal habits, whatever. It's been mentioned by certain people before (often third parties), even along the lines of "so, some random person who you don't really talk to says that you do this. Do you?" That's just weird. Eh, I don't really know why, perhaps I'm overly private by nature? It's also odd when people say things such as "I noticed you do such-and-such when you're feeling such-and-such." I suppose I can understand noticing such behavior (it's rather hard not to!), but commenting on it? It's mostly odd when it's people I wouldn't expect to have any sort of emotional investment in my behavior do so. I don't particularly mind - in some people I'd say it's rather charming, though some people could do virtually anything and I'd still be quite beguiled - but it's rather... perplexing. I don't particularly think of myself as appearing interesting enough to be noticed by the majority of people, let alone discussed. Certainly I can be amusing when approached - amusing, sarcastic, whatever you'd prefer to think of it as - but I am quite reserved in the majority of my classes, simply because I don't like people. Perhaps I've underestimated my classmates in thinking that they don't particularly notice the quiet ones? I couldn't say.

Perhaps it's because I rarely derive any great amount of joy from gossip and the like. Idle chatter is pleasant enough, but not particularly interesting, and talking about people I barely know strikes me as being pointless.

Oh, people are so delightfully pretentious, aren't they? It's rather enjoyable to watch. What critical thinking? Quite a few people think they have excellent critical thinking skills when they don't. Rather, they don't seem to from my perspective. I personally wouldn't want to say that I have excellent critical thinking skills. I certainly know that I'm prone to swallowing lies whole if I don't watch out, which I sometimes do, sometimes don't. It's rather difficult for me - or anyone else, even - to independently assess their own skills.

Superiority is one thing when you can assume the position of power, but it's amusing to watch from the bottom when it's blatantly unwarranted. O, I expect I appear the same way, as does everyone. Don't they? Mm. I'm rather tired of all this... backlash against people who aren't accepting enough of people who are different from them. It does strike me as hypocrisy. It's just a different sort of hate. It's also virtually impossible to eradicate. Take two people with very strong, very opposing views, put them in a room, and they are going to clash. Frequently. Can they be friends? The thing is, if you have any sort of strong moral standpoint, you ARE going to believe that it is the correct way for others to live, and it's nearly impossible to not force it on other people. It's something I struggle with. It's something that may push me into being a hermit. Like calls to like, and I haven't met anyone who's substantially like me yet. People go to one extreme, people go to another, but why pick sides? Isn't it unnecessary? It's completely arbitrary to say "I have this opinion and this opinion only." But I suppose it works out well for them. Or perhaps I do have some sort of strong, ridiculous moral standpoint that I'm not aware of. Many people are aware of other people's shortcomings while completely glossing over their own. I'm quite sure I do the same in some way. It's human nature. I do think I would be happier if I didn't have other people. Other people bore me, other people annoy me, other people are idiots. It's hard to ignore. And yet I'm sure they think the same or worse of me! I don't see why I should care what others think of me. Other people are idiots. Certain people I can't have any sort of strong fondness for anymore because they're exactly what they claim not to be. It's hilarious, but not something to respect. And if I don't respect people, I will fuck with them, and that's really not something I ought to do. Just because I can do something doesn't mean I should have to. Perhaps I have free will, perhaps I don't, but isn't it more fun to pretend that I do? It's MY goddamn life, and I'll do as I please. I don't need these people holding me back. Someday I'll add to my collection, and it will be beautiful.

Your eyes are just scribbles, Jonathan. You don't need them. You're a liar, Jonathan. You're a fucking cocksucker, Jonathan.

I hate guys.

No, seriously, make sense. Even I can manage to do it once in a while, goddammit. Also, stop being really fantastic. Fantastic nonsensical guys are really rather too much for me to deal with at the moment. Nice people piss me off, too. In that very special not way. Mostly because I don't know what they're doing or why they're doing it and it's rawther irrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrritating. But seriously, okay, I don't know if I'm really irritated or really intrigued, and it's quite probably some of both, and that kind of makes me grumpy AND elated at the same time, along with some other stuff. It's also nice to have that sort of baseline physical feeling - the crazy heart-fluttering thing, mostly - because that's really only something that's happened onceish before. And she was one special chick.

Ugh, anyway, I feel like I'm supposed to... do something, or something, but I don't know. I'm not entirely sure what I WANT to do, which means that I really SHOULDN'T do anything. Yes? No? Maybe? No idea. Not that there's really anything to do though.

On the bright side, my conversational "skills" amuse me. I managed to work in godless heathens, babies being dropped from the sky, alien abductions, and battery acid. Ha. No wonder several of my nearest and dearest tell me that I have unique conversational skills. What else is there to say? "Darling, you're batshit crazy." I think that sums it up. Ho-hum. Oh. And hot chicks. I mean, have I ever had a conversation without working in hot chicks? (In my defense, I was explaining why I thought religion was wack. Religion is wack because there ain't no hot girl-on-girl action, and is there a point to life without hot girl-on-girl action? No. I thought not, bitch.)

In other news, I really need to stop telling people to shut their pissing mouths. I do love David Firth a bit, though - the Black & White cartoons especially. Which is where that quote came from. I may use it on my special friends though. I don't see why people get all oversensitive about language and insults, personally. Especially not if it's not meant particularly seriously. Perhaps I just don't take things seriously enough? Bah. I am perpetually sincere. PERPETUALLY.

OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO.

1. state that didn't pass Prohibition
2. Mo(e)(w)(?)
OHNOZ MY SKILLZ HAVE FAILED ME

Religion.

I don't even affiliate with any sort of religion anymore. Even agnosticism implies that I take some sort of stance on the issue, even the stance of not having a stance. But no more. Because honestly? I don't have a religion in the sense that I don't have a sixth finger on my right hand. It's unnecessary, pointless, and not something I need to think about.

Me? Anti-religion? NO SHIT.

What a waste of time.

C'est tout!

Mais, euh, moi? J'adore Foetus. Et Virgin Prunes. Je veux acheter quelques CDs par les groupes de musique. Moi, je veux especialement "...If I Die, I Die" (par Virgin Prunes) et... Flow, Thaw, Nail, et tout les autres CDs par Foetus.

Je dois practiquer ma francais plus je que fais. C'est embarrassant. Je suis tres formidable a francais, mais je n'ai pas beaucoup d'experience, et je dois avoir cette experience d'etre... un personne vrai, peut-etre. Je ne sais pas quoi j'ai pense, mais j'ai pense quelque chose. C'est vrai. Ma vocabulaire est un peu embarrassant aussi - c'est bon pour ma language secondaire, oui, mais ce n'est pas BON. AGH.

Et oui, j'aime parler dans le francais, mais il n'y a pas les accents. C'est dommage!

Bands I need to remember.

I hate it when I see promising bands and then forget what they're called. It's rather irritating. I also hate it when I hear one or two songs by a band and I love them but I can't find anything else. (Let's not get me started on that one, actually.) And when I have something but I don't listen to it.

-Kitty Craft
-Can
-Bjork
-Tin Hat Trio
-Hawkwind
-Psychick Warriors Ov Gaia
-Bauhaus
-Catherine Wheel
-Whitehouse
-Nitzer Ebb
-Tangerine Dream
-Kraftwerk
-Muck
-Nick Cave
-Brian Eno
-The Residents
-Foetus
-Throbbing Gristle
-Clock DVA

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Who cares?

The blues are still blue!

I love my Katy, and that's all I have to say about that.

Incidentally, why oh why are there still people out there who take me seriously? How does that even make sense? Too many people are serious people. I hate serious people.

Discussion question (that actually prompted my expression of my love for my sister): What is the role of public opinion in government? Does that role change if the opinions aren't based on facts and aren't well-reasoned out? Comments, questions, concerns?

And now for the boring stuff.

Back to what Caution was saying about people - there's a difference between having a friend who is irrational and having an irrational friend. Everyone's irrational, but some people make the same goddamn mistakes over and over and over again without doing anything to try to change. And those people piss me the fuck off.

I recognize the fact that I can be a very difficult person (though I think EVERYONE's difficult in their own ways) and I work on it. I've had varying degrees of success, and I'm currently lucky enough to be in a position where I'm happy and relatively unstressed (it's all those video games), which means that I'm more-or-less in the best place I've been (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, even physically) in a long time, but I don't just give up. Just because this is the best place I've been in in a long time doesn't mean that I'm done. I have places to go, and I'm not going to be stopped just because I was born with certain flaws. Nobody's going to stop me, not even myself. Especially not myself, dammit. I may be lazy when it comes to schoolwork and other boring, pointless things (not that I have any biases there or anything), but I actively work on bettering myself. Sometimes you just have to sit back and say "is this actually a rational thing to do? Do I need to get upset about this? Do I need to feel this way? No? Okay then." It can take a lot of thinking, and it's certainly not always easy, but just because you're born a certain way doesn't mean you need to remain a certain way. I'm pretty unstable by nature, but that doesn't mean I can't work to make myself at least appear stable.

It's all about appearances, baby. Nothing more, nothing less.

Seriously though? It's hard to change. I realize it's hard. It's something I have to deal with quite a bit. I don't even know if it's paid off at all. Sometimes I don't see the point, sometimes I give up, sometimes I lapse into irrationality. But all this doesn't stop me from being... perplexed by people who constantly screw people over and who are constantly selfish (which is different from being self-centered, I think) and who constantly blatantly do not care about other people. There is absolutely no reason to be cruel to someone to their face. I do think it's one thing to about someone if it'll help you be happier. Face it, probably everyone complains about people, and probably everyone has been complained about. Is it a big deal? Not really. But it's another thing altogether to make genuinely cutting, unnecessarily cruel comments to someone's face. That honestly... I just don't understand. Maybe it's hard to overcome the bad parts of your nature, but it's worth it. It really is.

On another note, just because someone's your friend doesn't mean you necessarily have any obligation towards them. For quite some time, I've been stuck in between "if they don't change, cut them dead" (or, um, toy with them, because I have a sick sense of humor) and "if they don't change, tell them that there's a problem." However. The majority of people I know should be perfectly able to recognize that there is a problem. Did I need anyone to tell me that I was creating unnecessary problems? No. I was magically able to figure out for myself that I was being unnecessarily imperfect, and I took (and am taking) steps to work on the problems. It's really not that hard to figure out if you have any sense at all. I did it, others have done it, they can too. No micromanaging. NIKE. Just DO it, man! It may seem like it's going to kill you, it may seem hard, it may seem impossible, it may not seem like it's worth it, but just do it. Goddammit.

On yet another note, I don't understand why people are so threatened by other people. I myself used to be threatened by other people who other people thought of more highly than they did me. Not so much anymore, though it takes a little thought. But rationally, it doesn't make much sense. The abilities of other people don't actually affect me. And you know what? I don't actually know what other people think, so I might as well assume that people mean the best and think the best of me. The other option might be more accurate. It might not. I don't know. In fact, I might as well just stop thinking about it. I don't see how it matters. I am who I am. I have the skills I have. I am fantastic, and anyone who doesn't recognize that is, frankly, not worth my time.

Cheers,
kiiziie

The Best Zelda Fanfic EVAR!!!11!1!11

Disclaimer: Not mine, thankfully. Blame Caution, Weeping Cock, this one fanfiction I read once and couldn't find again, and TEH INTARNETZ. Oh, and Luka Delaney for the thetans quote.


Once upon a time there was a young boy named Link who saved the world a lot. Even though he was very young, he was very manly, and everyone who met him ever in his entire life commented on this fact like a billion times - in fact, almost as many times as he had saved the world.
One day he woke up to find a message in his pants. The message read: "My dearest Link, the Gorons are in need once more of your manly yet strangely alluring presence. Please come as soon as you are able. Signed, Darunia, King of the Gorons."
Link promptly whipped out his one-eyed purple-headed yogurt-slinger and went at it vigorously. Three years later, he thought he had finally done as the letter requested and came. However, Navi explained to him that Darunia wanted him to actually, physically travel to the land of the Gorons, as opposed to merely helping Mr. Kleenex's kids through college, so Link went to the land of the Gorons.
Darunia greeted Link with a giant, bone-crushing hug. Link stared nervously at the crusty old-man nipples located perilously close to his young innocent face. "Link! It's about time you got here! I need you to BEAR MAH ASS-BAYBEEZ!"
Link edged away, a look of horror - or was it desire? It's so hard to tell these days - in his eyes. Darunia simply yet forcefully would not take no for an answer, and blatantly ripped off Link's clingingly tight, well, tights to reveal Link's hidden treasure. Darunia put his pulsating mouth on Link's coiled manstick and began to suck and slurp away with relish. Darunia's lovepistol was soon primed and began to weep with sheer joy.
Just as Link was about to ooze manjuice from the force of Darunia's sucking and slurping, Darunia suddenly bit Link's throbbing totem pole in half! OHNOEZ! As Link shrieked in horror - or perhaps lust - Darunia's Eiffel Tower gave up and sent forth a lusty, vibrant shower of miniature Gorons, each shaped like a tiny dick-like protuberance. The miniature dick-shaped Gorons leapt up and gobbled up both Link and Darunia, with only a few bones and one purple-headed womb ferret left behind to tell the sad tale.
Suddenly, thetans! Thousands of them! Rocks fall, everybody dies. The End.

People are stupid.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Stupid enough that I have to question how they can even breathe. Good GRIEF people, it's not THAT HARD. I think I only know like three people who I'd trust to not be terminally moronic.

...not to be a downer or anything. OH WAIT! Never mind.

Cheers!
-moi

Two penises here.

My current basic list:

1. Horse Rotorvator – Coil
2. Safe As Milk – Captain Beefheart
3. Black Ships Ate The Sky – Current 93
4. Your Children Placate You From Premature Graves – The Legendary Pink Dots
5. Treasure – Cocteau Twins
6. Trans-Europe Express – Kraftwerk
7. Red Mecca – Cabaret Voltaire
8. Too Dark Park – Skinny Puppy
9. Blood – This Mortal Coil
10. Bone Machine – Tom Waits
11. Songs – Leonard Cohen
12. Front By Front – Front 242
13. Naïve – KMFDM
14. The Land Of Rape And Honey – Ministry
15. Homotopy To Marie – Nurse With Wound
16. Serpent’s Egg – Dead Can Dance
17. Idylls – Love Spirals Downwards
18. Bergtatt – Ulver
19. Aqualung – Jethro Tull
20. Nighttime Birds – The Gathering

Reality? What reality?

Who gives a shit about reality? Reality has stupid people and a bunch of boring stuff. Video games let you kick people in the face. Repeatedly.

I have beautiful standards.

Velvet Resurrection

I want to believe in the nobility of the human spirit.
I want to believe that mankind is essentially good
and that the horror I see and the horrors I hear about
are simply the last cries of a dying spectre that haunted our
fragile globe for just too long.
I want to believe that we are about to peel off the mask with which
this spiteful God has been frightening us.
I want to believe that we will not dance on his defeated rotting body,
for that would grant him victory in death.
I want to believe that we will peel away the masks with which we
frightened each other.
I want to believe that no new spectre will replace the one that died
that we can stand alone,
respect one another,
love one another,
respect and cherish life in all its shapes and sizes
while continuing to evolve.
I want to believe that mankind will never be too arrogant to abandon
its quest for an ultimate answer.
I want to believe that this ultimate answer remains a simple question.
I want to believe that even I could answer this question.
I want to believe all of these things.
I want to believe all of these things and more.

But, you've caught me at a bad moment and I can't.

Trans-Europe Express

I am not at all ashamed to admit that I am dancing to a Kraftwerk CD. Crazy pretty electronica!

I can't decide if I should be ashamed or not. I'm going with no. Because it's so catchy.

Everything looks worse in black and white.

Even though I go to the religious youth group every so often (and plan to start going more), I'm not now religious and don't particularly want to be religious. I have quite a few close friends who are quite religious, and I definitely find it interesting to talk to them, but at the end of the day? Believing in any sort of religion is like believing in alien abductions. There isn't any real proof. I'm actually having a bit of a hard time believing anything, at least in the abstract - I do feel relatively comfortable believing in the existence of gravity as it affects my life (as in, I do feel relatively comfortable believing that I'm not about to float off... sadly), but I don't really see why we can be 100% sure that our concept of gravity is the one true answer. I'm having a hard time believing that there's only one answer even for mathematical equations. There is as far as we know, but frankly, we used to believe all sorts of crazy stuff. Spontaneous generation, anyone? Or puppet shows are perfectly educational projects for seniors in advanced biology classes? Wait, that's still apparently firmly held.

New information is always going to pop up. I don't think it's possible to say that this is going to be always impossible. Something may be impossible to do now with the information we currently have, but who knows what's going to happen in the future? Maybe we'll merge with aliens and be able to comprehend all the deep secrets of the world. Maybe that sounds impossible, but if you had brought up the concept of the internet (or women's rights) to people 2000 years ago, you'd get some really funny looks. And you'd probably get burned as a witch. Oh the mirth.

I don't see why I'm constantly expected to have just one opinion on any given topic. Just because most people are incredibly limited in their ability to see other points of view (though there are several people - maybe even five! - out there who have one opinion about things who can see other points of view, this is not the majority of people) doesn't mean I have to be. Don't drag me down with you.

Not my fault I'm different. I like it.

Nothing is real.

And I'm thankful for that.

You know those days where you just seriously want to hurt someone?

Yes, you. Come here.

I'm actually super-happy because I have super-fancy socks and they're gorgeous. Now if only I were pretty enough to pull them off... haha.

And I have oyster crackers.

So basically what we're getting at here is I'm super-shallow. And kind of petty. And likely to stab you in the eye.

When did I get so cynical?

Either he's trying to impress me or he's mocking me, and I'm going with the latter.

It doesn't matter.

I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaant to make up my mind.

Besides being bitter about being smart, I'm also bitter about relationships. Maybe I'm just bitter about everything! Who knows? I don't.

But seriously. The good news is I'm interested in someone new. The baaaaaaaaaad news is I don't think he's interested in me. ohnoez. On the bright side, we're sort-of-not-really-talking on myspace. Ugh, whatever. I don't even care anymore.

Also, how can I not love a chick who quotes from A Black And White Cartoon About Berries? David Firth makes sexy cartoons. I'm just sayin'. If I could be reincarnated as anyone, I'd want to be reincarnated as David Firth. (And how can I not love a chick who thinks that I could be a David Firth-type person? Seriously. "It's wierd (sic). It's like something you'd do." Fine, so that was like... 5 years ago (holy SHIT that's a long time), but it still holds true.)

Goddammit.

So back to the gifted thing: "Truly gifted children are marginalized in most schools, and often become underachievers. Gifted children are often not the head of their class. Bright children tend to be the achievers, not gifted children. Gifted children are misfits in the educational system."

That's assuming that gifted kids are in the top 2% of IQ tests, obviously. Anyway. Speaking as a highly alienated gifted kiddie, yeah. The thing is, I never learned the importance of working hard, because I never had to. I certainly should take the majority of the blame for that (at least in this stage of my life - hello, legal adult here), but it's a lot harder to start now than it would have been if anyone had ever bothered to explain that you really do have to put in effort. At least in the real world. Too bad I don't have to yet.

One more thing - I'm completely infuriated by the fact that everyone seems to think that there's only one right answer in the fuzzy languages and arts. Um, hell no. The worst thing is that they all pay lip service to the idea that "oh sure there are plenty of answers blah blah blah," but they really don't believe it. Psh.

Gifted Kiddies

Why yes, I'm still trying to find out everything I can about "gifted" children. NOBODY has any "official" definitions of gifted. I've heard a couple plausible-sounding definitions from my peers (most notably Caution!, as her definition was both interesting and quite different from everyone else's - and it dovetailed quite nicely with mine!), but I stillllll want to know what the official definition is. That way I can scoff blatantly at it. (My current personal definition is something along the lines of a "creative genius." Brilliant and inspired. Gosh, I have no idea, never mind.) Aha. But wikipedia to the rescue! Wikipedia tells me basically that intellectually gifted kids aren't challenged by the normal school curriculum. I wonder what the word is for kids who aren't challenged by the curriculum? Terminally gifted, maybe. I think I like it. But seriously, we're too fucking elitist as it is.

I found an intriguing-looking podcast on gifted kids. I haven't had time to listen to much of it, but it could be good. I also found something about how gifted kids test in the 97th percentile of "intelligence tests" (which I do not trust at ALL, thankyouverymuch)... and, embarrassingly enough, my first thought was along the lines of "that low? Maaaaan, that's lame." I don't think I've ever tested below the (high) 99th percentile, except on those tests where you're being tested on what you've been taught. Mostly because I haven't been taught anything by a professional in, uh, years. I may never have been. I did learn to lie, but I don't think that's tested. Sad, really. Anyway, I don't really like intelligence tests because they are frequently skewed towards one specific sort of intelligence. Not always true, but sometimes. I'd like a gifted test in which a couple people (one at a time, probably) talked directly to these kids. Now THAT would be interesting.

Assuming (big assumption here) we take "gifted" to be "incredibly intelligence," people are waaaaaaaaaay overdiagnosing kids as being "gifted." These days, basically anyone who can spell "the" reliably is being diagnosed as gifted! "OMG! My daughter just said mommy for the first time at age 9! She's GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFTED!" Seriously. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. When did being average become so terrible, anyway? Basically, the majority of people are going to be "average." It's not the end of the world. People have been dealing with being average for ages. Get over it.

However, the "average" people are getting smarter. At least theoretically. Quite a few parents are focusing more and more on making their precious little kiddies into brilliant little buggers. There really should be the option for anyone to take challenging classes whenever they want. Not just "gifted" kids will benefit from being challenged. I promise. Not that "gifted" kids are really getting challenged either. Ah, my personal pet peeve. I was identified as "gifted" at some point in my early years. I got moved into the special "gifted" classes. For the next few years of my education, I spent my time drawing cave paintings, acting out Greek mythology, and being one of the only kids who were: 1. smart, 2. creative, and 3. interested in learning. Surprisingly enough, I was bored out of my mind in those classes. I stopped doing my homework. And you know what? Nothing's changed. My IB classes now do not challenge me. At all. And, um, I don't do my homework very often either. This is going to come back and bite me in the ass at some point, but hopefully I'll have enough challenging work to overlook the inevitable drudge work.

Honestly, I think people just need to be challenged more and taught in whatever style helps them learn best. And seriously, cut down the homework level! After a certain point, extra homework just isn't useful. And that's just how it is.

Ah. And according to this handy-dandy little graph-chart-thing, giftedness IS IQ-based. I don't know my exact IQ, but I'm likely anywhere from "highly gifted" to "profoundly gifted." According to the internet. The internet also tells me I'm psychic. Obviously, I trust what the internet tells me quite a bit. But seriously, who cares? It's interesting in the sense that my zodiac sign is interesting - amusing, but not actually relevant to my life.

Cheers,
kiiziie

Lesbians are unappreciated.

Especially in fanfiction. There's all the straight couples and then there are gay men having buttsecks! It's good clean fun for the whole family! Or something like that. But where are the lesbians? Lesbians are hot. Except when they're Rosie O'Donnell.

Actually, I think I figured something out here. (I mean, besides the fact that 95% of fanfiction romance writers are CHICKS, and therefore aren't turned on by chicks-on-chicks. They want some penis, yo! Penii make everything better. This is a scientifically proven fact.) No, no, but seriously - think about the stereotypes. Straight women and straight men are allowed to stray outside their stereotypes (and are frequently boring - yeah, I said it!) because they're the norm. Or considered the norm. [Speaking of which, I don't trust surveys about who's gay and who's not. Probably some people are ear-deep in denial. Like, about 85% of the population. Some other people won't admit it. Some people are repressed. Blah, blah, blah.] Gay men are... supposed to be like highly stereotypical women, basically. Emotional, fond of fashion, theatrical, moody, etcetera. And they have penii! C'mon, don't you want to see duelling penii? Ahaha. Seriously though. People basically worship penii in at least American culture. More or less. (Too bad boobies are more fun, but whatever.) Gay women are supposed to be like highly stereotypical men, except without penises. And what's the point of a man if you don't get a penis in the bargain? That's just fucking pointless. No pun intended. Oh wait, no, I think I did mean that one. Subconsciously.

I would elaborate on how this actually does show that society is a pretty fucked-up place to be, but, um, I got distracted by the very idea of breasts and lost my train of thought. Besides, it's pretty obvious - any society that doesn't completely worship breasts is a society with some major issues, man. Isn't that obvious?

This pointless, scattered, and completely underwhelming post was brought to you by Teh Intarnetz and the pit of voles! Which I actually don't check. Ever. Because ain't nuthin' worse than fanfiction.net. I'd like to take my 15 seconds of fame and point out that I love you if you have penii! Otherwise, feel free to SUCK IT.

Cheers,
kiiziie

My favorites sections make me look like a pretentious asshole.

I'm just the worst person ever! By which I mean that I am amazing and I have beautiful taste in things.

But we already knew that.

Waitnowaitno! I have been saved by the redeeming power of MOVIES. Because my favorite movies are... a mixed bag. I'm just going to say it straight-up: I like science fiction action comic book movies. In fact, I love them. This fact, I think, redeems my spontaneous adoration for obscure music and highly acclaimed books. And plays. I LOVE plays.

Speaking of which, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are so overrated that I would not be sad if either or both of them disappeared from the fucking planet.

Luukas has decided that I'm a really cool archconservative.

I'm duly amused.

Luukas is really cool. He's the guy who thought he'd solved free will when he was drunk, okay? Do I need to elaborate? I think not.

Actually, I'm pretty tickled by the fact that all of my sister's friends think I'm just super-cool. I haven't even met most of them. Am I arguing, though? No way!

Ah, today is a good day. Except for the fact that my sister has been 20 for aboutish a whole day. I mean, yikes!

Oh, the places you'll go... to score crack!

Inappropriate Children's Books.

Gay marriage will make your dad pregnant. Thank the Nonexistant Lord for small mercies, eh?

I'm changing my name to Snack Jesus.

Because it's time to start blahgging about food! And buildings. Snap. I don't have anything to say about buildings except for the fact that I did see a Church Of Scientology building. I didn't get any pictures. Sad.

I would make a spectacular Snack Jesus because I like snacks and I like Jesus. OK, so maybe I lied, but only half the time! Seriously. Snacks > Jesus. It's a simple mathematical equation. I'm going to put that on the next calculus test. That'll go over well.

Suddenly I don't want to go to college. I'm completely unprepared. I do know I'll be able to do extraordinarily well once I get the hang of, oh, working, but I almost wish I had worked ridiculously hard in high school. It'd be for no real reason, certainly, but at least I'd be able to be comparatively lazy in college. On the other hand, I don't think working ridiculously hard is a habit I want to have. Not considering how... ah... attached I can get to my habits. It's frequently not pretty.

And overall, I will do fantastically, because... don't I always? Yes, I do. It cannot be denied! I have failed before, and I will again, but I will succeed in the end. I always do. I won't get everything I want. I may not even get everything I need. But I will get enough of what I want and enough of what I need to be utterly satisfied. I used to crave perfection. Now I crave beauty. I am beautiful, and I can be - will be - satisfied with this.

I am doing what I do best. Whatever that is.

Senior Ditch Day

I may or may not be showing up for first period, and I'm probably not showing up for the rest of the day. It's all good.

I must say, I hate people who abuse animals. Nobody has to like animals. Some people just don't like animals, and you know what? That's not a problem. At all. (Okay, I also hate it when people say that everyone should love animals. Note my phrasing.) But you do not kick a sweet indoor house cat. Is it that hard to understand? That's at least as bad as kicking a two year old. At least two year olds have societal protection, for the most part, and animals can't defend themselves against humans that effectively. I don't think I'm that huge of a fan of humanity right now. So many people are completely self-absorbed, self-centered, and selfish. Obviously some degree is human and not at all a bad thing, but seriously, other living creatures have feelings and rights too. Is it that hard to understand? I mean, really now.

I've been listening to a rather obscene amount of Coil recently. Although I love everything I've heard by them, I naturally gravitate towards their first three CDs - Scatology, Horse Rotorvator, and Love's Secret Domain. Scatology is what I would consider the most "industrial" of the three - it's certainly the most spontaneous and alive. It's filled with unexpected, quirky, synthetic electronic noises. Horse Rotorvator is by turns bleak and beautiful, and frequently both. It's haunting, gripping, macabre, deranged, serene music. Perhaps that sounds contradictory, but I assure you, it's not. Love's Secret Domain hides its beauty behind disorganized, chaotic bursts of noise. Plus it sounds like a party! Seriously now, and who cares about anything if it doesn't sound like a party?

...someone buy me Transparent already. Man, I'm going to be broke when I get to buy my own money. It's going to involve "sure, I can spend $130 on a used CD that I already have all the song files for!" Shush, Horse Rotorvator is worth it.

Um. I really want this. Even though it's an LP. I don't care. Does logic play into this? No. Not even a little bit. It's beautiful. Bah, if only I had money. I also kind of want the absinthe release. I'm suddenly really angry that I was born too late to really know Coil when Jhonn Balance was still alive. I'm also really angry that their stuff is so goddamn hard to find. (A lot of good music is hard to find - Current 93, The Legendary Pink Dots, Throbbing Gristle, Psychic TV... yeah, the big-brand bands, whatever.) Oh well! We'll always have the memories.

Speaking of which, there is a difference between being curvy and fat. Curvy involves having your waist-to-hip ratio be about 0.7 or something like that. It actually has a definition. I definitely approve of destigmatizing obesity - how is it anyone's place to judge what weight people are? Yes, being obese is usually bad for your health. So is being severely underweight. It doesn't mean you should be able to comment on either extreme. Or anyone's weight. It's an easy trap to fall into (and I've done it before) but people frequently feel like they can freely comment on weight. Ugh. I think society would be a lot better off if everyone just stopped talking.

Red Letters

I finally got around to listening to Red Letters, and I must say, I really like it. It's not the best CD in the world, but it's utterly charming. I mean, hello, it's by Edward Ka-Spel, which means that it's at least interesting and quirky. Edward Ka-Spel is frequently brilliant, at any rate, and I always find his music peculiarly soothing and (perhaps) enchanting.

And honestly, track 8 (Swamp Thing / Simone Is / Red Letters / Katha) is probably one of the most beautiful, haunting songs I've heard in my entire life. Especially I believe the Simone Is section, though it's very hard to tell which parts of the song correspond to which parts of the title (which I quite like).

More later, when I'm feeling a bit less... whatever.

Is there anything worse than high school?

Serious question. Is there? Because right now, I'm not seeing it.

People need to shut up and listen to classical music.

In fact, I need to take my own advice and do the same thing.

I do have a good working knowledge of whatever classical composers my parents or my sister like, as well as whatever I've managed to pick up on my own (which is very little). I know Mozart, Bach, Chopin, Beethoven, Handel, Haydn, Prokofiev, Rimsky-Korsakov, Segovia, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi, and quite probably some other composers quite well.

Is this enough? I say no.

...looks like I'm off to go do research on Russian composers, because there ain't nuthin' better than Russians! Ever. (Except maybe Czechs. Oh, choices... so hard.)